20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
