Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize