We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
