If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
