Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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