the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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