some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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