My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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