I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I intend to get homeless drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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