sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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