i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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