can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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