Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
