I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
