k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
