I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
