I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You were trust falling into bushes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
