Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
