Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
