Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
