You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize