please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize