im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
