was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
