3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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