Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
