Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
