I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
