It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
