never play flip cup with pint glasses
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
