I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
