Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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