Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
