it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
