Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
