You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
