it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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