textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
