Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
