A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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