If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
