I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
