Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
