We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My feet surprised me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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