An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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