Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
