just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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