but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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