don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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