The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Vodka?
Forever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
