Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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