I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
