forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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