Soap is not a condiment
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is Oprah even human
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
