so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
