i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
