i already hear my dad disowning me
We named our party play list daddy issues
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
