she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
