I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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