I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
