I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
