sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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