i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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