Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
