I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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