Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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