This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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