I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
