Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
