how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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