I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
