Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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