i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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