trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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