I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
