i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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