Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
did i just pee glitter
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
