After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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