Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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