This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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