you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
